The Next Two Years of My Life

It's done. The letters of recommendations are in, the statement of purpose has been submitted, the GRE scores and transcript have been sent, and I've paid my stupid application fees ($70? For the privilege of being considered? GOD.). Now, all there is to do is wait for the verdict.

Northwestern.

Rush.

St. Xavier.

Northern.

God and GPA willing, at least one of these four fine instutitions of higher education admit me into their speech-language pathology progam, preferably with an assload of financial aid to go along with it, and I will be able to start looking in the appropriate neighborhood for a lovely studio/one-bedroom apartment to spend the next two years of my life.

I want to come up with an equation that will allow me to pick the right school. Ideally, I am the greatest applicant since Van Riper, and they all want me and throw tons of money at me. Even then, this presents a conundrum.

Northern is the cheapest and offers the most financial aid. They would cover full tuition and offer a stipend if I TA for them. TAing is something I've always wanted to do, and considering I want to become a professor at some point, it's probably a good idea I get some experience in front of a class if thats the route I'm mapping. However, I hate DeKalb with a fiery passion. I am lonely, bored, and completely cut off - there is not one person within an hour who loves me. That's a stark realization to make. Sure, I hang out with the postgrads between classes - they're lovely people - but they're most likely not going to be around for the rest of my life. Plus, it's a cultural vacuum. There is a community theatre which I'll be trying out for in March, but if it's ruled by politics as strongly as every other community theatre everywhere, getting into a show doesn't look likely.

The next cheapest in Rush University, but I'm having so much trouble getting them my transcript that I don't even know if they'll have a completed application from me. Considering how much I paid to have transcripts and GRE scores and everything sent over to them, everything had better fucking work out. But that's another headache for another day. On the plus side, their focus is on hospital training (although I would be certified to work in a school or hospital upon graduation), which is my primary focus. Even if I changed my mind, it's easier to go from working in a hospital to working in a school than the other way. I have no idea what their financial aid options are because their website has such vague wording, but I have a strong feeling it's paltry. But Rush is at least in the city, so I could hop on a train to go see Mark or get someone to pick me up in Naperville, Blue Island, or New Lenox to see friends and family. I'm not really familiar with the area, but I'm guessing that not having to deal with having a car around there is a good possibility.

The second most expensive school I'm applying to is St. Xavier University. When I stepped onto that campus, I got the same "good feeling" I got when I first came to North Central. I can't explain how exactly I felt, and I wouldn't really say it was home, but it felt right. They have been very attentive in terms of calling me when things are missing from my application (not to mention offering free application fees), and they have offered several open houses. The university is also unbelievably close to where my dad lives - so close, in fact, that I may be able to live in the other half of his split level house (I hope I'm using that term correctly) if a series of fortunate events fall into place. Also, it's right by 294, which means I can shoot straight north to go see Mark and head over to 55 to see my mom or visit Naperville. Dave works there, too, so I'd have a friend on campus already.

The most expensive school I'm applying to is Northwestern University. Looking at its exorbitant cost (plus the cost of living in Evanston), I can't believe I'm even considering it. If it weren't for the 10% acceptance rate at each university, I probably wouldn't have looked at it twice. But I can't afford to be too choosy. It does offer some financial aid (10%-30% of tuition covered), but it's barely a dent compared to the other ones. But there is a professor there that is doing work on language disorders in gifted children that I would give my right arm to work with. Other perks include being able to live unbelievably close to Mark (although a voice in my head is warning me that I'll just become a full-time responsibility for him and drive him insane), being able to get around without a car, and possibly living with Kristin.

I wish I could come up with some kind of equation. X amount of misery is worth Y dollars. Z% financial aid equates to X hours spent alone. From the outside, it seems easy: go where I'm happiest. But isn't a little more moping, a little extra driving on the weekends, a few more sighs worth not having to take out another $60,000 to cover graduate school? The other thing to consider is that I will be entering an extremely abundant job market that pays ridiculously well. Those student loans will be gone relatively quickly after I'm done with school. But $60,000 is also a great amount of money to put toward a car, a house, (a wedding?), or zillions of other projects.

So someone give it to me. Give me the equation that will decide which school I should go to.

Or I could just wait until late March and see who admits me.